someone threw a dead crab at me
i love accidental penises.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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