I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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