I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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