I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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