just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
