She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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