around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
