So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
