That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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