just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
