is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize