Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
