her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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