I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
