How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the condom got lost in my hair
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
