Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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