Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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