i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no you cant smoke seaweed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
