My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
