I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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