This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
