I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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