Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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