girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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