have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
