She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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