I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
