I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
