God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize