I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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