I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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