He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
