He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
