Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
