she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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