I want to have your abortion
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
