Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize