too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
