Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
