The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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