I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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