We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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