Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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