she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize