I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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