Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
