I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
