nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
