I puked a lego.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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