I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
