evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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