he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
