sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
