Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize