I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
