Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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