I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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