this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
