the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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