glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
