dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
