yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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