His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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