Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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