Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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