do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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