my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize