youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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