my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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