I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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