you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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