So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
