Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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