And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
