Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
