I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
