You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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