Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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