forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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