Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
