My hand turned me down
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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