I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
