New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
