I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize