I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
