And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
