Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
bring money and cleavage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
