Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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