maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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