ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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