So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
