Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
