You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
