Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
